I'm playing all of this by ear.

Grammy Awards don't go to the right people.  I should get an Oscar for my performance of being upbeat and cheerful, engaged, poised, helpful, encouraging, non-engaging; focusing solely on keeping my husband standing as close to upright as possible.

So many people take for granted the nights that they fall asleep.  I don't fall asleep very easily, and my mind just wants to burst with a million horrible thoughts, and I want to cry so badly, but I can't because I can't let Dave, or ANYONE see me upset.

I just want a place to go and cry.

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