Strange Words at Night

It seems like every not-so-carefully-worded public misstep must be punished to the fullest extent, replete with soapbox lectures and demands for apologies. Anyone who doesn’t show the expected level of outrage will be labeled a coward or an apologist for bad behavior. I get the feeling that regular, hard-working, generally unoffended Americans sigh with exhaustion — daily.   Dan Crenshaw

Garbage bags without built in handle ties should be globally banned. There, I said it.

When kids turn 18 they become majors. -random thought of mine

...walking home from work once I was approached suddenly from the left by a llama, a typical daily greeting but this time i was lost in thought and it didn't approach util it was side on and caused more startle than normal. without hesitation i reached both hands over my right shoulder to grab my "Kang the decapitator" (axe in world of warcraft) only to find that it was not there. it took entirely too long for me to untangle these 2 worlds and realize that the llama was not a threat and did not need to die :) -Dave, on Facebook

My son after a long day of work.

At our house we have "a stick."   Now, it's nowhere as gross as "the stick" at my sister's house, which is used only (God, I hope!) for poop that's too big to go down the toilet. I never realized that there was such a thing as a piece of poop too large to go down a standard American toilet, and yet, here we are. At our house "the stick" is a direct fire at the nastiness of my sisters' family's stick, and yes, yes...that is wrong, but it's so, so funny! If someone can't reach something they yell "Get the stick!!" and everyone laughs their asses off before helping out. Did paperwork fall behind the desk drawer?  "Get the stick!!" I cannot tell you how much laughter (and a few derailed arguments!) have come from such a simple, disgusting, three word sentence.

Me describing my dinnerware set: So, they're actually supposed to be some sort of lotus thingy which sort of plays into my witchiness, and they have the LOOK of "retro" but my ABSOLUTE favorite "color pair" of THAT blue and THAT green.....without screaming THE JETSONS!!!! to company when (if ever) they come over. I swear that this is the most perfect dinnerware ever made and I love it more than ... I was going to say my dog, but that would be so wrong, I love it more than .... painting. And I love my silverware that doesn't match that flower pattern at all, but from a distance it absolutely DOES make sense! That's just describing my life right there! They are very retro, from the 50's atomic era, called Twin Stars WHICH just so happens to be (what I deemed to be, and so it was) our family symbol. (It took an hour to make this post - that is how dangerous marijuana is.)

Offhand remark.  Okay, I actually said it.

"I'm going crazy on the topic of fractional distillation because I'm looking for medication relief, and specifically certain terpenes, so I was aghast to learn by a Standard Farms GP here in PA that ingested terps don't do squat and they don't even put em back in the bottle."

it's store policy not to help people unless there's blood -Me. In conversation about the charity thrift store in my hometown.

Source:  http://2machines.com/188338/

Miss Coco Peru , who I look to for life lessons because I love her. That, along with the fact that she actually has taught me more about how to be a lady than my own mother did.

Source: unknown/lost on web

To my son. In conversation.

This is an actual sentence that does make sense when read in context. I had been looking at a house for sale. One popped up on my screen and it was just TOO perfect, I didn't think it could possibly get more perfect, until I saw it. The outdoor stairs from the driveway to the house weren't long at all, and they still had a landing, and it was just beautiful. In my mind I could only hear one thing: "Ugh, well! There you go! I just LOVE a landing!" And I DO. I DO love a landing.

Said to a dear friend of mine in conversation about how much we all change as we grow older.

Me trying to convince someone to to try Rohto cool eye drops for the first time. It was hilarious.

Me. And before you ask, I've LOST weight. The chair is just old. We're going to TRULY believe that, right?  Right?

"I'm not what I think I am, I'm not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am." - Cooley

When a friend maxed out their parent's credit card, spending $3,000 in three days, including a t-shirt and a pair of sneakers for him.

I just watched the man I love, the father to our three beautiful children; a man who, when I first met him, would only use bottled water in his coffee pot, pour Crystal Lite iced tea into his empty beer can. Something went wrong somewhere for us. Apparently.

Everyone's opinion. Would you trust your best friend's cousin to make your tuna salad sandwich?

After searching for a picture of the band, The Eagles, in a standing position, this one picture popped up and I'm staring at all of the guy's feet - because one guy is supposed to have HUGE HUGE feet...and then I realize that omg, this isn't even the REAL Eagles - it's a tribute band. Dave was thinking the exact thing at the exact time.  LOL

I literally thought this as I was browsing through architectural terms for different types of rooms.

My 15 year old son moments after his phone beeped.

Nobody I would ever want to know intimitately, or even casually, would EVER think to say those words.

Why is this a "learn more" situation? http://pe.usps.com/text/pub52/pub52c5_008.htm#ep184002

Me to Dave

 Anonymous

Natasha Lagerro Honeymoon Standup Special - Netflix, C01E01

P.S. I am capable of writing very well but I threw caution to the wind with this post because I'm a bit manic right now. Also, articulating things well is actually emotionally exhausting so I decided to get everything out in a non-linear stream of consciousness for pragmatic reasons. Gotta keep the source anonymous. Sorry.

The easiest way to organize your stuff is to get rid of most of it. —  Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-most-useless-fact-you-know

a printed punctuation mark (‽), available only in some typefaces, designed to combine the question mark (?) and the exclamation point (!), indicating a mixture of query and interjection, as after a rhetorical question. Origin of  interrobang Source

This girl on Quora .

Source unknown.

unknown, but I liked it.

Lyndsey Melisa Thompson  in a response on facebook regarding Baby Boomers. I thought it was too good not to save. Permalink to Facebook Post

In truth, you can’t see anything through the bone that surrounds your brain. Your eyes are not portals to the world. Everything you see and experience right now – even your body – is a whirl of information occurring in your mind. According to biocentrism, space and time aren’t the hard, cold objects we think. Wave your hand through the air – if you take everything away, what’s left? Nothing. The same thing applies for time. Space and time are simply the tools for putting everything together. Leander Clifton

Albert Einstein After the death of his old friend.

It is better to regret something you do, than something you don't do. Drop Dead Diva season 6

Well, he was the first person I saw mention this word, so I guess credit goes to This Guy

The next time somebody complains about millennials, maybe remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hardwood floors. — Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) September 22, 2013

All colors are neighbors and the lovers of their opposites. Marc Chagall

The dangerous effects of marijuana displayed by the average person. Source: Someone I know

Source: Alan Lightman on our longing for absolutes in a relative world, a tender illustrated celebration of love too large for labels to hold,Obata's Yosemite

On the tv show Drop Dead Diva, season finale of season two.

Source:  Santa Clarita Diet, Netflix Season 2 early episode, Sheila talking to Joel.

In conversation with himself.

Friend : But, can a person have two soulmates? Other friend:  I think only in Utah.

During conversation with Mike.

In conversation with my sister.

The show called Love on Netflix.  Season 1, Episode 5, 11:45 (ish) seconds left  of the video.

Source : https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-fat-man-dress-well-look-dumpy-michael-brian-parra/

Someone explaining to someone else about why they should be working harder. They smoke weed, they don't care about actual baking except for the end product. (I swear I'm not the "someone.")

After watching "Landline" tonight.

This happened.

He says.... For the first time since leaving the horse people can safely look away from the road. Remember in cowboy movies how they would look at people to their side and "nod" as they as they "drove past" on their horse.  So now you can look at that fucking thing your wife is pointing at asking if you can see it when clearly you CANNOT because you tell her this EVERY FUCKING TIME.

One of my sons.

Coco Peru

A teenager updating his parent's "Friend Inventory" (or Friendventory.)

Dave

"Swiss scientists find that..." You know it's going to be something really fucked up. -Me scrolling through the news.

My son, not even in a conversation LOL

What do people in other nations put in the butter area of their refrigerator? (If they somehow owned a US standard fridge.) I plan on posting this question to reddit, but it's down for maintenance right now.  So I put it here in case I forget that I was going to do that. 

From  Quora user Noah Riggins

Dave misheard me.

https://youtu.be/oPKKE8fBgPw?t=2m9s

 Seen by Dave at 12:12am

Self reflection

Said with attitude. Good kid. Great kid, Actually

In conversation.

I can't think of another place that would give you a debit card to go along with your account, either.  If I'm utterly misinformed I'd be relieved to know.

A man with 2 sons who constantly take, and lose, the can opener.  He used to get pissed about it, but keep pretty calm...he just mumbled.  But, now he has resigned to the fact that he'll never be in control of the can opener.  His own control that he had exerted on his own father's can opener some 35 years ago now, but a memory.  Damn, am I high.  Anyway, so now he just states it .  It just is.  Now he says, while digging through cabinets; "Well, there's no can opener...so I can't have that..." and moves on to another shelf, hoping for nothing.

A guy expressing his strong opinion of the interior of the Tesla Model 3. Source

I feelya. Source: Bexa Boss Lady on Youtube

Source: Will Smith.  Other than that I wasn't paying attention to where it was I was watching it.  He was in a car and sort of yelling at the camera.

Bonnie Burton via CNET

Source: I'm living it.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-you-groom-your-child-into-a-genius/answer/Lisa-Stafford?srid= XhcB

A purse should never cost more than the average amount of money you can expect to be inside it. I think this is a fair rule. — Patrick S. Tomlinson (@stealthygeek) November 19, 2017

-Jim Gaffigan

-In conversation with a peak-ugh-aged teenager.

-Me

-Me

-me

In conversation: a man and his wife as they run through the downpouring rain from the house to the car and she says " Shit ! I forgot to grab my cute shoes!"

Grammy Awards don't go to the right people.  I should get an Oscar for my performance of being upbeat and cheerful, engaged, poised, helpful, encouraging, non-engaging; focusing solely on keeping my husband standing as close to upright as possible. So many people take for granted the nights that they fall asleep.  I don't fall asleep very easily, and my mind just wants to burst with a million horrible thoughts, and I want to cry so badly, but I can't because I can't let Dave, or ANYONE see me upset. I just want a place to go and cry.

Buicks are the Wrangler jeans of cars.

Source: Netflix show The End of the Fucking World (F**cking) World - her Dad.

Source:  The End of the Fucking World (or, F**cking) on Netflix. Diner scene, black woman.

Smoked. Watched 5 seasons (20 minutes each) of a new show on Netflix called The End of the Fucking World (or, F**cking) Charlee wanted out: I let him out. And Jada. And Carl. Figured I was up, might as well make coffee. Had to potty. Looked up at the mirror while washing my hands and got sick of seeing no nose-ring in my reflection so I set off to find the box of nose-rings. Tried top drawer of vanity. It was loaded with hundreds of little cosmetic things. Decided I should paint my nails black to hide the paint under my fingernails. Couldn't find black. Forgot I wanted to hide the paint and decided to go with something soft colored; dug for that. Had to dig out the basecoat and topcoat, too, and ran across a pretty earring, so I started looking for its other one. Found little nail clippers. And face cream. Definitely need that at my desk. Then I decided to start separating hair stuff from makeup. Then I got bored and fig...

Father....to son.  A Sonic Cookie Dough/Brownie Concrete Custard.  A spoon is passed to the son.

In conversation.

I think it was like a year later.  Her boyfriend wouldn't propose until Simon's name was no longer on her finger. I think she's happy now.  Simon was an asshole and everyone knew it.

Great write-up about being fat in France. Source

A stoned painter.

A Millenial in Paris on YouTube. Source

When do we start back to school??? If you're a mom you say this with some sort of tear in your eye.  Sadness, exhaustion, near-nervous breakdown, something you picked up while cleaning out behind the seats of your SUV.  But that doesn't count.  Anyway, you're going to have strong emotions so you might as well embrace 'em. Why not? Your kids are going to be THRILLED for exactly ONE day .  From the moment they come home from school the first day until summer vacation .... all the way until graduation it's going to fucking blow. So why not let's just give up?  Fuck doing shit with our hair and getting out of our "comfortable clothes" that every-goddamn-body knows you wear religiously - stop lying to yourself!  It's just too much energy to keep lying to yourself, girl. And you know what blows my mind?  It's that they ARE excited for that ONE morning.  Every fucking year. Damn.  That's some tenacity.  Maybe there's hope, but I do...

Is shake worth it?    Many pre-rolls (joints) are sold that are made with that particular strain's "shake", or "the stuff that falls to the bottom of the bin while the buds are getting all the attention." Answer?  Depends on the grower.  If you can look at the shake and it looks like decent ground up flower, you're good.  Pretty much expect that you're never going to find shake for sale that's sticky.  Probably.  I've only ever bought shake that look dry, but I've passed over many ounces (and grams!) that looked extremely dry.  I'd go so far as to say completely dehydrated and could break down into dust if you attempted to open the package.  Those aren't great deals. It's like that red & white tin of Thyme you'd find in the back of your grandma's cabinet...what magic must that hold?  Oh, just grey dusty sticks.  Why does she even have this? It occurs to me that shake mixed with actual flower of the same strain ...